Well. Best laid plans. I am supposed to make time to write every Sunday, but I took a freelance job and that was taking all my spare time. Past tense. Tomorrow I hand off the files I have organized and say goodbye. I did what I could. It probably won’t be appreciated. I don’t care.

I don’t have any lessons learned to share right now, though I learned a lot. Maybe Sunday. I just… feel like my whole life is just me trying to do things I can’t do. I keep saying yes to things and quitting. I learn through the failures, but I am haunted by all the people I have let down or hurt. I am terrified that homeschooling is just going to be one of those things.

I think too highly of myself. I think I can do things that I can’t do. I keep trying and trying and failing and failing and I am so, so tired. And I know I am carrying burdens that aren’t meant for me. But I don’t know how to put them down… and when I do inevitably drop them because they are too much for me, it hurts so much — the disappointment I am causing.

People harp on how much we need to sign up for things, help out, be the hands and feet, do something that scares you…. People don’t talk about how much damage it causes to not follow through… or to follow through to the detriment of one’s health or family. I have done both. The decades of pain is adding up and I don’t think I would feel rested no matter how much less I tried to do.

This post is depressing. Sorry about that.