A couple days ago I wrote a private blog post. In this post I talked about how I am perpetually exhausted, and how I think this tiredness is more than physical. In this private post, I concluded that I needed to make more time for myself. Less than a full day after writing that, I was struck with a conviction that this is not the godly way of thinking. When I feel inadequate in any way, the solution is always to trust in God. Maybe trusting in God looks like journaling more frequently or doing some other “self care” thing, but maybe in this season of life I just need to accept what God has for me. Maybe I just can’t find those 15 minutes to spend doing something I purely enjoy that is not for someone else. The fact that I even think this is necessary to feel refueled just shows how I’ve bought into the lie of this culture, of this world, that says I am “number one”. It isn’t that I believe I am unimportant; I struggled with that for many years, believing that everyone else mattered more than me, was worth more than me, deserved happiness more than me. I know better now. I know my value. Not only do I know my value, I know that God is good. I know that God is good to me, not just good in theory, or to other people. And if I really believe in a good God, how am I going to then assume it’s in my own hands to make sure that I am taken care of? He will see to it that I have everything I need. My job is to be faithful. I can’t be faithful if I’m wrapped up in my own weaknesses and needs. Now, I have to acknowledge my needs before God. It is crucial that I confess that I need him at every moment. It is vital that I accept my weaknesses. I have learned and I’m still learning that I need to be honest about what I need. I can’t just ignore myself and soldier on. This, too, is pride. What I must do is come to God with my tiredness. And I must come to him at every moment of tiredness, whether physical or emotional, and at every moment that I feel needy I must go to Him and ask Him for more grace. That is what it means to take refuge in God.