Like so many of the Liar’s schemes, this seems wonderful on the surface. Be patient with your child because they’re innocent. Have empathy because they’re trying their best. Be understanding because your child isn’t sinning.

Lord please help me explain this, though I may be preaching to the air. Perhaps just to refine for myself these points so that I may please You in dwelling on what is true and right and not let myself be captivated by empty arguments.

I appreciate the positive parenting movement. I wish everyone had the time and ability to acquire as much information as possible about child development. I sincerely believe we ascribe malintent far too often with everyone, but especially children. Let me be clear: I do believe children try to “behave” far, far more than we see the result of good behavior. I am in no way trying to say that children ought to be regarded as particularly evil. Children are simply people, and we have done our children a great disservice in assuming they are failing to try when in many cases they just need more instruction and practice.

All that said . . . If, in raising these great gifts of our previous Heavenly Father, we can only show patience if we assume them to be good we are falling so far short of gospel living! To live in the ancient Way is to be patient (long-suffering) in the face of real injustice, as Christ who did not open His mouth but willingly gave His life for those He loved. Do we see our children as enemies? Then we are to love them. But our children are not our enemies! They are gifts. They are gifts to sanctify us and to bless us, and they are also simply people.

Quotes like the one I found are thrown around in parenting circles to the point of cliché: all children are basically good, we just need to nurture them correctly. The most vehement supporters of this ideology will insist with fierce language that speaking ill of children is worthy of gruesome retribution. Funny how the disconnect is right on our noses: if people who harm children ought to be treated severely, but retribution teaches nothing and helps no one, why do we still eagerly seek it?

We seek retribution partly because in our sinful nature, we believe ourselves worthy of determining what is fair. But there is One who is capable and worthy of exacting justice, and like rebellious children we foolishly try to copy Him after our own fashion. Anyone else have a child threaten to put them (or their siblings) in time out? It’s hilarious and maddening. The truth is, justice is real and it was exacted on the Cross. When I sin, I know I can look to the cross and remember that debt was paid. . . but how often do I remember that the sins of others were also paid for there?

This is critical in raising people: we must understand that Jesus paid for all their sins, and it is only in resting in the Cross that they can be freed. Expecting children to act like they’re saved is folly. It is more foolish than the foolishness that is bound up in their hearts, because we ought to know better. I am not trying to raise sanitized sinners. Lord help me, I want to add to His kingdom!! May they be saints! But how can I know what is going on in their hearts if I automatically assume I know their intent at every turn? Lord help me to be wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove in the lives of my children.

If you are reading this and you feel that tug, you know the one, can I ask you to pray for the Lord to open your eyes, that you may find wonderful things in His Word that apply specifically to your relationships with your children? Can I gently ask that you take a break from listening to secular or even Christian parenting advice podcasts or social media accounts, and look for wisdom in the precious Scriptures? Can I tell you that I need this prayer as well? It is so easy to get caught up in worldly answers to what we think are worldly problems. My child is struggling in [x] scenario, what do I do? O Lord, but is my child simply a sum total of all his behaviors? There is a heart behind every foolish thing he does. In everything, let me speak to his heart that needs You, so much more than me. You must become greater, I must become less.