When I’m healthy, emotionally, I get happy and sad and angry and everything in between. The feelings are not really that different from when I’m emotionally unhealthy, but the feelings make sense. I’m happy for a reason, sad for a reason.

When I’m not emotionally healthy I have almost the same range of feelings, but they don’t make sense to me. I’m really happy today. I’m thankful that I’m not unhappy, because I’ve had a lot of that lately. But I don’t know why I’m happy, and that bothers me.

Because if I have no reason to be happy, how can I think it will last?

How strange that this logic doesn’t apply whatsoever to sadness… if I am sad for no reason, I think that this must just be who I am, that I will be sad forever. But happiness, that foxy beast, always seems to be a leap away.

Blessed (happy) are those whose way is blameless, who walk in the law of the LORD. Psalm 119:1

I’m okay, really. But I need more Jesus and less tv, less junk food, less worldly comfort. I cling so hard to Him when life is hard, but the moment it eases up I forget.

I’m still happy, just pensive.